“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln
Some of you are already scratching your head, wondering exactly where this one is going to go. After my last vitriolic entry, your suspicions are warranted. How, exactly, can one befriend a word– let alone make that relationship a superlative? Well, take a break from the literal, and I’ll take you for a little stroll through the metaphor.
Think of it this way. A dictionary is your friend, because it’ll give you the means to look intelligent. A thesaurus is also your friend, even if just to keep you from sounding repetitive– except this friend is the kind that introduces you to your best friend. Who are these best friends I’m talking about? They’re the $5+ words, Scrabble’s very own weapons of ass destruction. These polysyllabic game breakers are your best friends– because they absolutely will let you go on with your bad self until you look too stupid to chew gum and breathe at the same time. However, if you’re astute enough to drop alphabet soup on someone’s head the right way– they’ll have your back and bolster your credibility, or add megatons to your verbal bombs.
Those big ass words you find in the thesaurus may share definitions and traits similar to the word you’re looking up, but that doesn’t guarantee that they are meant to be used in the same way. Take vainglorious and megalomaniacal for example. I’ll wait for you to click the links. Yes, more often than not, those two qualities are found in the same pompous assjack. They are not interchangeable. They do, however, work pretty well together with some permutation of fuck sandwiched in the middle.
Just like your best friend in the bar when you’re faceplanting drunk, if you get out of line– in this case with your choice of words– they’ll help you make an ass of yourself. Not to mention, just like that same best friend, they’ll help you keep doing it until you learn your lesson.